I Almost Lost You - Phan
by ExtraordinaryElliot
Summary: "A Day In the Life" filming takes a wrong turn when Phil ends up in the hospital, able to hear but unable to see. TW - coma, mention of drinking


_And I will try, but I don't know how -  
to let go. To let go. To let go.  
_ _To let go.  
_ _Together, together, together  
_ _Until the end._

* * *

They were walking out into the pouring rain, talking to the camera about what they would do today; where they would go, what they would see and do and smell and touch. The weather was just a hitch in their plans - what was a little rain going to do, anyway? Put out a fire? "Okay, first off, you still haven't explained what you're wearing, Dan." The brown haired boy next to him laughed, looking at him with the 'heart-eyes Howell' look, that they're fans had named. And rightfully so, Phil thought, giggling along with him. His friend shook his head, looking both ways before running across the street. "Don't do that! You could've gotten killed!" he called over, stepping into the street hesitantly. Dan motioned for him to follow quickly, and he did, making it across before any cars came by. They continued into the city, getting weird looks from people as they spoke with each other and the camera.

"I think we should get a Starbucks," Dan announced, pulling on his arm towards the Starbucks that rose in front of them. He agreed, closing the recorder and allowing himself to be pushed inside. They waited in line, talking quietly about they possibility for a new video before they uploaded the one they were filming, before they got to the front. A women took their order, smiling secretly to herself as she leaned over the counter to talk to them as her co-worker made their drinks. _Are you two together?_ He was tempted to tell her no - it was a common mistake by now, and they were used to answering the question with a short answer. But he was tired of answering the same way, every day, just to be given the same look of disbelief.

"We're still deciding," he answered quietly. Dan gave him a look of surprise at the answer, and he smiled back, putting his hand into his. "It's a choice between messing up our friendship if it's a messy breakup or getting married in a world that hates people like us." She was nodding, looking at them with respect and satisfaction. Dan was still standing there, looking speechless at the situation. "We have some fans - YouTube fans - that want us to be together. I've been thinking it over for a while, and I proposed the idea to him. We're looking into it." She laughed, looking over a her co-worker, who handed them their drinks.

"I know what you mean," she sighed, watching the other girl head into the back. "Enjoy your drinks - I hope you figure it out."

They walked out, still holding hands. They didn't let go until they were three blocks away, both turning red at the thought of what had just happened. "I think you should get out the camera," his friend said tersely, not looking him the eye. He sighed, taking it out and turning it back on. Dan put on a smile and held out his drink. "Sorry, guys, we were just getting Starbucks! We should star in the new White Girls movie." Phil forced a laugh, trying to brush off the awkwardness of the last few minutes. "What does yours taste like?"

"A newborn baby!" He paused, eyes going wide while Dan snorted, trying to hold the camera and laugh at the same time. "That's not what I meant! I just mean - uh, I mean - it tastes like I've just been handed a baby. It tastes like a happy thing!" Dan, by this point, had given up on trying to hold the camera correctly and was almost on the floor from laughing. "Oh, shut up," he giggled, taking the camera and getting into the shot. "This is why we edit things." They began walking again, planning to go into the bank to get more cash for the day ahead. Phil closed the camera and put it in their backpack. "Are we going to talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about?"

"Us?" He realized he hadn't been kidding when he said he'd thought about it before; there was once a time when he wanted to date his friend, but he thought he'd grown out of it - turns out he was just repressing his feelings so he didn't have to deal with rejection. "Dan ... we should talk about it." Dan shook his head angrily, stopping in the middle of the pavement to stare at the blue-eyed boy. Phil took a step back, already knowing where the conversation was going.

"There's nothing to talk about, Phil! I'm going to wait for you in the shop while you get more money for today - just don't ever bring the topic of 'us' back up again." He nodded, quickly walking away from him to go inside the bank, a sinking feeling in his chest. The doors opened, but it was strangely silent, unusual for a busy day like Monday. It was also very dark, which didn't make sense, as they should've been open at the time. Was today a holiday? Than why were the doors open? With a sense of dread, he began walking towards the empty counters, wondering what was going on.

Phil forced himself forward, peaking around. He saw a shadow dart around the corner and began walking in its direction, curious. "Hello?"

He didn't really feel the bullet pierce his skin until the angry flash of pain that started near his lungs. He falls backwards, struggling to breath and wondering what was going on. There's unsettling moments where he can't see, and when he does, it's faces of strangers he's never met; it's a hospital room, filled with his family; the room again, just Dan now, crying as the heart monitor beeps in the background. He can hear voices, sometimes.

 _"Don't die."_

 _"Wake up!"_

 _"Phil, I love you."_

That last one is from Dan, and his heart feels like it's floating. But he can't answer back - he can't even open his eyes, and he knows he's in a comma. He knows a year has passed. People think he's dead to the world, but he can hear them. He can hear the doctors telling people he won't make it, so he pushes himself to fight. He hears the nurse say that the bullet went though his stomach, and he feels relived that there is a chance he could still make it. People stop coming by, even his family, everyone coming to the conclusion that he's dying, he's dead, it's only a matter of time. Another year goes by - Dan still comes around every day, not talking, just holding his hand. _I'm still giving updates. The fans are telling you not to give up - we all love you. I still make videos, because that's what you would want me to do. Please wake up, Phil._

He tries. And on May 1st, 2018, Phil opened his eyes. He couldn't move - his whole body felt weird. No one was in the room except a nurse who was opening the windows, allowing moonlight to flow into the room. He tries to sit up, and the heart monitor beeps rapidly, making her spin around. He's pushed back onto the bed as doctor's come rushing into the room, smiling and cheering. _You made it, Phil_ , he thinks, before asking in a scratchy voice where Dan was.

"Don't you want to see your family first?"

"Where's Dan Howell?" They sigh, calling Dan to telling him Phil's awake. He answers, asking why the hospital is calling him at midnight. His voice has fifty shades of fear in it - until they tell him. He sounds like he's crying as he agrees to be at there in five minutes. They leave him alone, and he waits. He's getting tired when Dan walks into the room, eyes bright and hair disheveled from sleeping. "I've missed you."

Dan pulls him into a hug gently, being careful of any wounds. They talk hours into the night until his doctor comes back, saying Phil was free to go. _You healed over the past two years. You just couldn't wake up._ They walk out at six fourteen, now silent, even when they try to fill the space. Dan tweets about his recovery, and people go insane. There's a party at the flat to celebrate - PJ, Chris, Louise, Tyler, his family, his friends ... everyone's there, drinking and having fun. Phil's almost fully drunk when he pulls Dan next to him to dance, leaning close to him.

"I love you, too, Danny Boy."


End file.
